This Week’s TOP 10: Florida Local News

Florida TOP 10

1. FLORIDA MAN FINDS ACTUAL USE FOR THE BIBLE

Bibles can be found at various roadside shrines in Florida. They’re sold as important tokens of the miracle of Jesus- as he weeps perfume tears and shows his face in the way of brake fluid stains. But this Florida man decided to use the bible for something really special- as kindling for the fire he set in someone’s car. I think we’ve got an Eagle Scout on our hands!

2. PRANCERCISE COMPETITION

At the Seminole Casino in Coconut Creek. Need I say more?

3. POKE, I POKE HIS FACE. AND YET HE STILL IGNORES ME.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Skunk Ape?

4. FIRST DATE GOES WRONGER THAN ALL HECK

A Florida Man was beaten by a woman named “Tree” after meeting up for what was supposed to be their first romantic date at their local convenience store. Sounds like an episode of The Bachelor!

5. TAKE YER HANDS OFFA MAH MAC ‘N CHEESE, BROTHER!

Whoooo, boy. What a looker!

Mac n Cheese Heist

This handsome fella is Randy Zipperer (Yes, that’s really his name). See, he couldn’t find his beloved Mac ‘n Cheese and, after a thorough investigation, concluded that his brother had stolen his cheesy meal. His brother vehemently denied the accusations and offered his help in the search for the lost macaroni- but then he spilled Randy’s beer and Randy stabbed him. The End.

6. POPULAR ‘HIDE THE VODKA’ GAME GOES TERRIBLY WRONG

You know the game. Hide the vodka, Find the Vodka.

Well, Kari Dangler (!) couldn’t find it. So she did the only thing she could do. She grabbed her gun and threatened the lives of her roommates. DANGLER THIRSTY. DANGLER NEED VODKA.

DANGLER!

7. SHARKS FOR SALE! 

Well, eBay just got awesome. You can bid on SHARKS.

8. FROYO WOMAN IS STUPID

“Milagros Rosario Gomez Froyo, 46, attempted to deposit $3,800 worth of fake bills at the Mercantil Commercebank.” OOPS.

Well, she STUPID. But her last name is FROYO, and that is awesome.

9. WHAT A DICK, THIS GUY

Man punches Firefighter in the face. Working his way up to Grannies and babies, I can only assume.

10. FLORIDA MAN ROBBED IN MCDONALD’S BATHROOM

…of his wallet, cell phone, and jewelry. But most of all, his dignity.

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